Finding Your Blueprint

Life Coaching

Relationships

Finding the Family-Career Balance

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“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” 

– Thomas Merton, an American Trappist monk and Writer

Balancing a family and career is tricky for everyone. Each is important to us, and each requires demands on our time that, at times, require the other to take a back seat. Even if you work at home, this is just as true for you as it is for your counterparts back at the office.

When creating goals for establishing a family-career balance, it is important to remember that what works for some people does not necessarily work for others. It’s also important to note that one person’s idea of balance may not constitute anything remotely balanced from another person’s perspective. When establishing a work and personal schedule it’s important to take time to determine what type of balance you are looking for specifically and what the various elements of life and work are that require more balancing than others to find the mix that works best for you.

The basic elements in life that require the most balancing can be divided into two categories: internal and external.

Internal (Mind, Heart, Health)

  • Mind: Challenging yourself intellectually vs. creating opportunities for your mind to rest
  • Heart: Giving love vs. receiving love
  • Health: Eating, drinking, exercising properly vs. resting and treating yourself to some extra yummies

External (Work, Social, Family, Fun)

  • Work: Pushing yourself to achieve goals vs. seeing the bigger picture and enjoying the ride
  • Social: Satisfying your social desires vs. taking time for yourself
  • Family: Fulfilling your familial responsibilities vs. creating healthy boundaries
  • Fun: Allocating time for things you enjoy doing vs. making sure you don’t overdo it

You may find that when you focus on external things, like work, relationships, and activities, you end up paying very little attention to what is going on inside your heart and mind.

On the other hand, you may find that if you spend too much time being self-reflective, you sometimes miss out on the experience taking place around you.

Or you may find that you are able to remain fairly balanced between the internal and external elements in general, but want to balance out some specific aspects within each category.

Begin your journey to balance by identifying what aspects of internal and external elements in life you wish to focus on, make more time for, or slow down with and examine if there are certain elements you find yourself more drawn to.

Start small by planning tasks with a list of daily, weekly, and monthly undertakings and be aware when you begin to feel overwhelmed or pulled too much toward one element, so you can step back and adjust accordingly.

In addition to referring to the internal and external elements of life for balance follow some simple rules to keep the scale balanced on a day-to-day basis so you can focus more attention on certain elements as they need, without feeling overwhelmed.

  • Create and follow some ground rules. Drawing some boundaries around work is essential to creating a harmonious home life, especially when you work from home. Those who work at home will need to set some guidelines for themselves as well, so they can ensure that they are not working too little or too much, and avoiding distractions.
  • Work the right amount. Unfortunately, the “right” amount isn’t necessarily the amount you feel like working; it’s the amount of work that provides the financial, professional, and personal balance you seek. And sometimes it’s hard to know what that is. Keep your overall personal life and professional goals in mind as you set your work schedule or plan personal engagements.
  • Get organized. Create systems and routines to keep you organized both at home and at work. This might apply to business-related tasks such as tracking work projects and presentations or improving your time management, or it might mean setting up a system for communicating with your children’s school or creating a family calendar to keep track of everyone’s activities. It can take effort initially, to think out and implement different ways of keeping your life organized.

Cultivating Romance: The Key to Lasting Commitment

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People approach living life in different ways. Likewise, people approach romance and relationships differently. For many, romance is simply a physical attraction and sense of physical intimacy while it’s more a spiritual connection and understanding for another that grows from that first dinner date, to moving in and walking down the aisle together.

It’s hard to keep your head straight while in the throes of a brand-new relationship. It’s full of emotional intensity and potential hurt feelings. Even when things are going great, it’s important to take a deep breath and recognize your feelings and be honest about who you are, maintain your own friendships and interests.

Taking the step to live with another can be different in many ways. For some it’s no more complicated than the practicality of getting a roommate; for others it’s a way of making a commitment outside of a traditional marriage; for others, it’s the last stop before that walk down the aisle. Whatever it means to you, it’s important to have that conversation with your partner and establish open discussion about finances, division of property and assets, and homely expectations and preferences. Romantic stuff, right? Rest assured, as time passes and your relationship develops, you’ll enjoy the closeness that comes with increased trust and security and open communication.

What marriage is not, is a conclusion of a successful relationship journey. Most fairytales leave us with a carriage ride into the sunset and an assurance that “they lived happily ever after.” But marriage is really the beginning of a lifelong commitment to weather life’s storms side by side, and like any precious thing, marriage requires attention, loving and caring to thrive.

A healthy marriage is one where both partners can rest assured the other one is always going to be there for them, without taking each other for granted. In this sense, cultivating romance is the means of establishing open communication, trust and understanding through life’s ups and downs.

Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go. And that’s something you’ll only know by talking openly and honestly with your partner and trusting them with your needs. However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common.

  • Maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other.Take time to make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled. There’s a difference between being loved and feeling  When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without feeling loved, a relationship can lose a sense of the emotional connection that was once there.
  • Don’t be afraid of respectful disagreement.Regardless of how perfect “The One” is, there will come a time when you may not see eye to eye on something. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key to these situations is two-fold: to not be fearful of conflict and to be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or placing blame in an effort to be right.
  • Keep your outside relationships and interests alive.Despite the claims of romantic fiction or movies, no one person can meet all of your needs. In fact, expecting too much from your partner can put unhealthy pressure on a relationship. To stimulate and enrich your romantic relationship, it’s important to sustain your own identity outside of the relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your hobbies and interests.
  • Commit to spending some quality time together on a regular basis. No matter how busy you are, make it a point to take a few minutes each day to put aside your electronic devices, stop thinking about other things, and focus and connect with your partner. This could be enjoying nice conversation over dinner, finding something new to do together, or simply relishing in a mid-day coffee date together. Whatever it is, be sure to have fun together without distraction.
  • Communicate openly and honestly.Good communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between.

While there are many aspects of romance and relationships, if you continue to look and listen to your loved one in the same attentive ways as you did when you were first dating and falling in love, you can sustain a romance and blossom from falling in love to staying in love.